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Vent Your Spleen

I can’t even begin to describe how much I hate the word “LOL.” No, hang on a minute, an inability to find these words would be hypocritical. It is precisely this contemporary lack of ability to express oneself accurately that I detest so much. Therefore, for the good of the English language, I persist…

“LOL.” I hate, just hate it. That long, mundane, deadening sound that shrivels up any ounce of genuine laughter you would have been about to exert, out loud, if the phrase had not just been uttered. It’s so insulting to be met with a “LOL.” That response is just so blasé, so nonchalant, so fake. And so lazy! With only one extra letter you could have yourself a “haha.” Or a “hehe” even, spice things up a little! Say it out loud – “Ha.Ha.” Go on. With feeling. Doesn’t it conjure up the sound of genuine laughter? Doesn’t it express what you really mean? Your true emotions? Now repeat “LOL.” Does that conjure up happy memories for you? No, because the only authentic word it comes close to is ‘lull,’ a dull-sounding word standing for calm, stillness and silence. It couldn’t be any more opposed to the genuine sound of laughter. Why have people resorted to this monstrosity? To save themselves from typing just one more letter? You would have to be a very happy person indeed, sharing said happiness in a considerable number of texts and emails, to save yourself any significant amount of time by typing just one less letter here. It’s hardly the same as reducing, say, the Women’s International League for Peace and Freedom to WILPF, is it? Guys, I know it requires a little bit more effort, the “H” and the “A” keys are much further away from each other on the keyboard than the “L” and the “O,” but people, we’re living in a time of a mounting obesity crisis as it is – we need all the exercise we can get! Go on, have a work out, express your true emotions, give a “hehe” a go today.

Kathryn Furness

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