Bouncers Beware… It’s Kicking Off in Rock City

The recent relocation of Athletics Union Wednesday night socials from Isis to Rock city has led to fierce competition across the board for the rights to the new bars. Clubs previously basking in complacency have been shaken out of their stupor by the emergence of a new bunch of pretenders. Led by Korfball the self-titled ‘fringe sports coalition’ has made a bold play for supremacy of the upstairs bar with its panoramic views and cosy seating arrangements. Surely the prize position at Rock City, it has been fiercely fought in the opening two weeks. Bodies were seen hurled off the balcony at one stage as things got nasty between Archery and Croquet, two clubs not normally associated with this level of thuggery.

Senior sources at the Rugby Club insisted they remained the dominant force, a view reinforced by the sight of dozens of football players fleeing down the stairs to the relative safety of the dance floor at 8.30pm. Some eyewitnesses claimed it was the worst carnage ever seen at the venue. One footballer admitted there was no time to grab hair products or finish shots of apple sours.

After years of subjection by the tyrannous ‘Primary Powers’ one member of Ultimate Frisbee who wished to remain anonymous said: “we’re tired of drinking from the sinks, our time has come and we will not be shunted easily.” This fighting talk was echoed from the shady world of martial arts. Boasting no less than 11 different varieties, infighting plagued their attempts to karate kick their way to the top bar in Isis but perhaps the improved feng shui will encourage them to put their differences to one side. All this could leave the water sports brigade high and dry. With the Netballers firmly ensconced at the shots bar and the public school union of Hockey, Tennis and Cricket taking advantage of the confusion to claim the long side bar for themselves, Canoeists have been left up shit creek without a paddle, an unfamiliar situation for all associated with the club.

With Rock City socials still in their infancy plenty of jostling is still anticipated. Can ten pin bowling topple their rivals? Are Outdoor Pursuits ready to ramble? Only time will tell!

Richard Barnes


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