Meet The Clubs

Over the course of our degrees, we Nottingham students develop such an affinity with our clubs that we come to love (or loathe) them almost as though they were real people. But imagine if they were…

Oceana channels Alex Curran: think GHD straightened hair, bodycon dress from ASOS, and transcendent fake tan. Through her dance moves alone, she is able to evoke a mis en scene not dissimilar to that found in a Beyoncé/Britney/Pussycat Dolls video. Guys love her, but find it difficult to get past the big boys up front.

Drink: glass of rosé
Anthem: Sexy Bitch, David Guetta feat. Akon

Bodega dances like Ian Curtis in a Topman cardigan. He’s also one of those people who fiddles around with other people’s playlists at a house party. Given half the chance, he will plug his iPod into the sound system and mine his library of indie and eclecticism like a metaphorical dwarf… mining for diamonds…

Drink: Vodka and coke mixer
Anthem: This Charming Man, The Smiths

Cr-Isis is a good time girl who can drink the lads under the table. Up for a laugh, she regularly turns up with her sports team dressed in school disco/military/Smurf gear. Oblivious to what exists beyond the mainstream, she’ll dance to anything and having no pretensions, always manages to have a good time.

Drink: VK (strawpedo-ed)
Anthem: Bonkers, Dizzee Rascal & Armand Van Helden

Ocean is regarded as a bit of legend who is only too happy to don a Hawaiian shirt/nu rave glasses when the occasion calls. He’s the kind of guy whose ironic double thumbs up is confusingly non-ironic. Girls who get with him claim it was a ‘drunken mistake’, but secretly find him a guilty pleasure.

Drink: Sex on the Beach
Anthem: I’ll Be Ready, Sunblock

Stealth’s experience of freshers’ week was rather traumatic; each night involved stepping off a double-decker bus, and coming face to face with the likes of Oceana, Isis and Ocean. Dancing to Girls Aloud was frankly inhumane, and he is insistent that it did more damage to his ear drums than standing in front of the sub woofer during a Benga set.

Drink: pints of water
Anthem: Cockney Thug, Rusko


Leave a Reply