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‘Give me your scholarship. Ok?’ Meet the worst Oxbridge candidates ever

“Can Facebook get you a place at Oxbridge? Ask these bizarre international applicants…”

Lets face it: even with our top-tier education and magnificent multitudes of squirrels, Nottingham University can never match the fame attached to Oxbridge. Their global eminence means that the Facebook pages for both Oxford and Cambridge attract prospective students from all over the world. Many of these however, seem to have a rudimentary grasp on the English language and think the UCAS process consists of asking for a place on as many statuses as possible. This is my round up of the best attempts in the last few months.

One Oxford hopeful was honest about her personal weaknesses, which has to be good.

Maybe she shouldn’t have mentioned that she’d go “anywhere”, it might make Oxford feel cheap. A middle-aged woman from Indonesia did her best to salve the emotional wound though.

Her proclamation of love doesn’t seem to be very sincere though, a day later she asserted:

You’ve got to love the “ok” at the end. She’s basically telling the Uni that they’re going to miss out on the chance to educate her if they don’t play by her rules. She knows what she wants and no-one’s going to get in her way! She’s not the only one asking for financial help – one guy needs assistance in his divine mission apparently.

I’m sure we’ve all experienced visions where we’re told to glorify god with music, but only he had the great idea of asking the University of Oxford’s social media team for financial backing. Genius! Buy this man an instrument pad!

If he wins the award for wackiest poster, the award for the most persistent would have to be an esteemed resident of Seoul. For the past few months he has posted the same message on pretty much everything Cambridge Uni has posted.

Sometimes he’ll post on the same status multiple times, just in case the University has somehow missed out on his genius. He’s also started doing the same on the Oxford page as well, the sly bugger – maybe he’s trying to make Cambridge feel jealous.

We’d be foolish to underestimate him though. His profile claims that he is “exceptionally fascinated with your soul……”  Your soul. I think it’s a pretty safe bet that he’s the resurrected form of Jesus Christ. It would make sense, if you’re going to spread the message of God across the world, what better place to start than somewhere with stupidly fast internet connections?

That’s all very well and good, you might say, but what of Nottingham? Surely we’re esteemed enough to warrant some badly worded foreign attention? You would think so, but I only found one comment on our Facebook page.

It seems like a very reasonable question in all fairness. The University of Nottingham obviously attracts far more informed and reasonable applicants. For that, let’s give ourselves a pat on the back. University of Nottingham is now officially less attractive for oddballs than Oxford or Cambridge. We should probably stick that on the prospectus somewhere.

Will Hazell

To see Will try and understand hashtags, go to @WiltHazell

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7 Comments on this post.
  • Wtf
    5 February 2013 at 11:26
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    What utter crap, you should be ashamed of yourself. This is really pathetic, please go back to your inner self-loathing.

  • Unimpressed
    5 February 2013 at 20:03
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    Nice, a borderline racist article. Unlikely that Will Hazell could speak another language like these supposed “candidates”, if he does, this article is even more shocking. Nice article for your portfolio though, this will be one to show to any newspaper you may wish to apply to. Disgusted this was allowed to be printed.

  • David Dickinson
    5 February 2013 at 20:53
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    Really poorly edited.
    The headline is MISquoted, adding in a question to somebody else’s quote.
    Changing that little bit of grammar as reason for you to spin the article in a different direction is just self-indulgent. It also changes the entire meaning of the girl’s comment.
    Poor form.

  • HI
    6 February 2013 at 16:16
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    I’m offended too

  • Jonesy
    7 February 2013 at 17:43
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    Rather than claiming this is at all discriminatory, I find this whole article just childish. Comparable to the likes of an ignorant child, one can only step back and try to educate them. But for a university student, one can only infer that the individual is motivated by the lack of self-esteem in reporting something so mundane. You have my pity.

  • Will Hazell
    16 February 2013 at 23:25
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  • Anon
    17 February 2013 at 14:55
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    Bloody hell everyone, the article wasn’t that bad!!

  • Leave a Reply