Is your sex life less steamy than watching a dog hump a pillow? Well fear not, because Impact’s resident sexpert Penny Tration is about to turn that around. She is ready to delve into every corner of the sexual and relationship spectrum.
Last Friday, I went to Ocean with my housemates. I had a great time, but it seems that my friend and I drank one too many jagerbombs as we ended the night together in his bed. Since we live together, it’s now horrendously awkward. Any tips for dealing with the situation?
Oh dear. Looks like you’ve fallen victim to the The Ocean Effect. Don’t worry, it’s not as rare as you might think. It all starts when the mix of too many drinks and the dark lighting means that you’re not completely repulsed by your housemate’s topless dancing to Baywatch- even if the very sight of him coming out of the shower the next morning is enough to mentally scar you for weeks.
The second step is that you’ve snogged your way through What Makes You Beautiful and that fucking annoying Mumford & Sons song, and then by the time C’est La Vie comes on you’ve secured your fate. You abandon your friends and hop in a cab home together.
There’s only one way to trawl through the awkwardness to come, and that’s to make as many jokes as possible. It’s never too early to turn your terrible mistakes into award-winning anecdotes.
Over breakfast, joke about how your cereal isn’t the only thing you’ve had in your mouth that day. When lunchtime comes and you dig into your Tesco value curry, perhaps remark how that hasn’t been the only disappointing experience you’ve had recently. And when dinner comes and you’re cooking chipolata sausages, stare at them quizzically and then say: “Ah, I remember why these look familiar now!”
If you turn yourself into a laughing stock then no one else can. After a short period of being completely mortified, your housemate will also see the funny side, and soon everyone else will forget about it… unless it happens again.
If you have any questions you want Penny to answer, send them to email@example.com.