Report Card: Injuries

Athletes pushing their bodies to the extreme, straining every sinew to get over the finishing line, can sometimes injure themselves along the way. Sometimes these injuries are pretty horrendous. This week’s Report Card has a look at the best, and worst…

Ranking going along the lines of A+ being the worst injury to F being the least bad.

Clint Malarchuk’s Throat Slashing: A++

HE HAD HIS THROAT SLIT MIDGAME. 300 Stitches. And this, “My mother was watching the game on TV, and I didn’t want her to see me die.”

Eric Legrand’s Paralyzing Spinal Injury: A+

A timely injury especially now that the US are focusing on security in American Football. This young athlete became paralysed after tackling a player during a kickoff return.

Fabrice Muamba’s Heart Attack: A

Its always the scariest when someone just falls for no reason. No immediate cause and effect to be witnessed. Just panicked mystery.

Ronaldo’s 50 million knee injuries: B

His prime was cut short by successive knee injuries that led to the stellar career of Ronaldo ending with the label “The Fat One?”.

Aaron Ramsey and Eduardo’s Legs: C

Slow Englishmen chopping down foreigners gets ugly. Ramsey’s recovered just fine. Eduardo’s at Shakhtar – where are those thugs now, huh?

Mario Balotelli’s allergy to grass and training bibs: D

Allergies to grass? Not the typical footballer. Inability to comprehend the complexity of a training bib? Typical footballer.

Vince Carter’s Ankle Injury: E

The former dunk specialist slips and hurts his ankle. Seems terrible, right? But wait…IT MAKES YOU DUNK? Bust my leg up immediately.

Neymar, Cristiano Ronaldo, Ashley Young, Luiz Suarez, Rivaldo, Dida: F

From all the examples above and these guys fake injuries? Trying to get someone sent off ends up wasting time and leads people to doubt the veracity of those in real pain. F you. I mean, F for you. F for all of you.

Xavier Ribeiro

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One Comment
  • Anil Parmar
    6 November 2013 at 19:47
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    Great article; I remember seeing the Ramsey incident live and it was horrifying.

    Surprised that former F1 driver Alex Zinardi isn’t mentioned here though; to lose 2 legs in 1 accident is pretty horrifying and almost unwatchable.

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