Columns

The Freshers’ Week Horoscope

Wondering what your Freshers’ Week has in store for you? Impact Feature’s Holly Wilson gives her predictions for the most exciting week of the year based on your star sign:

Capricorn – The Local

22nd December – 19th January

You’re a personal tour guide to all your new friends, offering little bits of history and insight to your new exotic friends from Elsewhere. Although you thought you would be fine, after all it’s just home, you still disappear every weekend to avoid homesickness. You have stories for all the clubs, and spend many nights out hiding from the old school friends you convinced yourself you would never see. What are you so afraid of?

Aquarius – The Londoner

20th January – 18th February

You’re streetwise, sophisticated and just down right cooler than everyone else. You’re shocked when you meet people who haven’t heard of that niche artist you love, honestly who doesn’t love a bit of Mistki?,  and struggle to navigate the public transport out here in the sticks. You’re above the North/South divide, because nowhere is quite like home.

Pisces- The Gap Year Kid

19th February – 20th March

Travel has made you wise and wonderfully tanned. You’ve seen things that those straight from A Level just have not had chance to. What was life before your year out? You literally cannot remember because EVERYTHING has changed now. You drink IPA exclusively, only eat “authentic” ethnic food, and have a travel blog which you show all your new friends or they just won’t GET you.

Aries – The Dog Person

21st March – 19th April 

Your screen-saver is your dog. You get regularly tagged in dog memes. You talk of very little else other than your dog. When you’re not talking about him, your mum has them barking down the phone for you when she rings. It’s been a tough week since you moved out, and every dog walker you see on campus brings a tear to your eye. When you visit home, your parents barely get a look in as you need valuable time to catch up with your number one; The Dog.

Taurus – The Northerner

20th April – 20th May

You’ve strayed to the South to discover that there is nothing about you that isn’t mocked; Your accent, your “barm cakes”, and you don’t even love gravy THAT much. It’s all been attacked by those in commuting distance to London. You’re probably already prepared to campaign for a Greggs on campus and feel your stomach turn every time you are forced to fork out £3 for a coffee from Costa.

Gemini – The Reinventor

21st May – 20th June

You’ve come to uni with the desire to start again and there’s no better way to prove it than a brand-new wardrobe and nose piercing. You have to stop yourself singing along to You Belong With Me too loudly because you don’t want your new flatmates to know about THAT country phase. Your room is minimalistic, much like your Facebook, which was stripped of all old photos as soon as UCAS confirmed your place.

Cancer – The Long Distance Lover

21st June – 22nd July

You laugh along as your new flatmates all stagger off to pull on the first night of Freshers’ with a knowing smile on your face. Oh, when you were young! But now you’re happily settled in a 3-year strong long-distance relationship that WILL last because you’re not like all those other couples. You spend all your nights out on your phone texting your significant other, and give out dating advice to your new single friends.

Leo – The Party Lad

23rd July – 22nd August

You’ve been waiting for Freshers’ for as long as you can remember. As soon as you got your confirmation, you made sure you bought the tickets to all the fresher events, even the ones that turned out to be a scam. Your wardrobe is stocked full of togas, red swim shorts and leis, ready for whatever is thrown at you. No one will stop your party.

Virgo – The Anti Fresher

23rd August – 22nd September

The whole thing is really not your scene, and you’ll have to repeat that over and over as each of your flatmates try to convince you to join in and gate crash a Trent Freshers’ night. You’d completely forgot about Freshers’, and haven’t got a single outfit ready as you’d much rather spend the night in eating pizza and getting to know your new flatmates.

Libra – The Third Year

23rd September – 22nd October

You still go to Freshers’ events, and no one is quite sure why. Aside from the added bonus that you may not have to walk back to Lenton at the end of the night. You and your fellow twenty-year olds are the first on the dance floor, and pass on the torch when it comes to whipping your shirt off on a Friday night.  You’re sort of like a war veteran; you’ve seen it all, but with more VKS and an Ocean shirt. Nothing can stop you coming back and that’s part of the problem.

Scorpio – The Art Student

23rd October – 21st November

You had The Great Wave up on your wall before you had even unpacked, with a conveniently placed The Queen Is Dead LP resting underneath just so everyone on Instagram can know how indie you are. You probably smoke rollies and have a collection of vintage books almost as old as your faux fur coat. People regret mentioning Kafka around you, as they just are never able to listen to the inevitable 2 hour debate that follows.

Sagittarius – The Group Chat Groupie

22nd November – 21st December

You organised your department group chat, and by the end of August everyone knew your A Levels, life story and even your pets names. You’re open and enthusiastic for the year ahead, and are ready to meet the “friends you’ll keep for the rest of your life”. You probably had your crockery sorted out before results day. You make sure everyone knows where lectures are when they get lost, really you’re the glue that keeps the department together.

Holly Wilson

Like our Facebook page and follow us on Twitter for more articles and information on how to get involved.

Feature image courtesy of ‘James Baker’ via Flickr. Image licence found here.

Categories
ColumnsFeatures

Leave a Reply