Don’t Hate, Procrastinate! #9

Description: Don’t waste your time when you’re wasting time! This Procrastination Pack is your weekly dose of the Internet, in which we find the best things to do when you should be writing an essay/in a seminar/having a shower.

Directions for use: One pack weekly. Do not leave in direct sunlight.

May include:An infinite portal of uselessness, dodgy newsreaders and shotgun mayhem.


The Daily Mash  

When the real news is simply adding misery to your rapidly approaching deadline, this alternate feed of self-proclaimed ‘arsehole jamboree’ should definitely pick your spirits up. Providing a satirical slant on current affairs, the Mash is updated daily; be sure to follow them on Twitter (@thedailymash) to keep in the know with what’s not actually happening. Previous Mash headlines include “Putin bans rainbows” and “Game of Thrones-themed wedding ends in spectacular bloodshed”; enough to get you interested?

The Useless Web  

This one is recommended with caution: though you can do little else but be forwarded to random, useless and bizarre web pages, The Useless Web is eerily addictive. A good way to keep the afternoon ticking by until it’s definitely too late to be working. The ‘eelslap’ page is a particular favourite!

The Importance of Punctuation 

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Another gem from The Poke: this page features a series of clips where newsreaders have been caught out by missing commas on the autocue. This won’t take up much of your time as the clips are only a few seconds long each, but the hilarity of the BBC’s cock-up will stay with you for a while!

Dead Parrot

Subscribe to this YouTube channel ASAP! They do all kinds of sketches and spoofs, but the masterpiece of Dead Parrot is their on-going ‘YouTube Comment Reconstruction’ series. We all know how ridiculously inept YouTube fanatics are. These hilarious videos take real conversations found in the comments on popular pages and act them out for your viewing pleasure. This showcase of the illiteracy of the internet world is sure to make you laugh and despair in equal measure; don’t watch it in Hallward.


A quick flash of the past to keep you sidetracked! This 1993 pioneering first-person shooter has been resurrected in online form, so you can battle zombies and demons before making another push on the revision. Though the graphics are far removed from Assassin’s Creed or Titanfall, there’s enough blood and gore to satisfy even the most gruesome closet-masochist. Besides, what use will your coursework be in a zombie apocalypse?

Jack Hart 

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