After 13 long years at the top of his genre, Kunt, of Kunt and the Gang, has decided to hang up his hi-viz and put little Kunt into his suitcase for the final time. With his last-ever show approaching, Impact’s James Thomas caught up with Kunt to talk career highlights, the difficulties of being a minor internet sensation and the possibility of a cum-back.
Impact: For those unfamiliar with Kunt and the Gang, could you explain who little Kunt is?
Kunt: Little Kunt is a foam-filled puppet effigy I made in memory of my deceased parasitic twin. He has toured with me since 2005 and helps fill the void left by the real Little Kunt.
I: You’ve been a minor internet star for 13 years. What’s made you want to retire now?
K: The time just feels right. I have played some of my songs over 2000 times and done nearly half a million miles cooped up in a Ford Fiesta. Not to mention the hundreds of nights I have spent alone in Travelodges around the country (and hence the sheer volume of toilet tissue I must have sent off to landfill in that time).
“I soon discovered it is very hard to sell a 6 foot beanpole dressed from head to toe in hi-vis singing songs about wanking…”
I: How hard was it finding gigs in the early days with a name like ‘Kunt and the Gang’?
K: It was near impossible. You’d get offered a Tuesday in Liverpool and a Thursday in Manchester so you’d have to ring round venues in the north of England trying to find someone that was going to book you for the Wednesday. I soon discovered it is very hard to sell a 6 foot beanpole dressed from head to toe in hi-vis singing songs about wanking.
I: Do you have a particular favourite album or song of yours? Why?
K: My favourite album of mine would have to be my second greatest hits album Kunt’ll Fix It, and not just because that’s the one I’ve got most copies left of. It contains what I think are the two best songs I’ve written, ’Women Love A Bastard’ and ’Paperboy’, the love song I wrote to my paperboy.
I: Operation Yew Tree provided you with inspiration for new material. Is there anything that you feel is off-limits in your work?
K: Not really, because the minute you think something is off-limits it becomes a challenge to try and find an angle that makes it funny. As much as it’s not perfect by any means, I think my song The Wrong Ian Watkins is testament to that. Obviously it’s very hard to find anything funny in the sickening crimes of the former Lostprophets frontman, but when I heard that outraged Internet users had mistakenly taken out their anger on the Facebook page of poor old Ian ‘H’ Watkins from Steps, you suddenly saw a route into it.
“I’ve had bottles and glasses thrown at me, ended up having fist fights and grappling with people on stage…”
I: What has been your career highlight? Reaching 63 in the charts with ‘Fucksticks’?
K: Getting in the lower echelons of the proper UK singles chart was a real buzz and something I never really believed possible but I think if I had to pick one thing out of everything, it would be getting the chance to play in Australia in 2013. It was just like a big 2 month holiday, bumming round beaches, playing shows, having a beer and my personal high point, visiting where Neighbours was set and nicking a lemon off a tree in Ramsey Street.
I: What’s the worst reaction you’ve had to one of your songs?
K: I’ve had bottles and glasses thrown at me, ended up having fist fights and grappling with people on stage, got assassinated by a man with a water pistol full of his own piss (over my Amy Winehouse tribute) but my favourite was when I told my mum’s very straight laced boyfriend the title of my ode of how to get on in the music business, Use My Arsehole As A Cunt, and I saw him gag a little bit of sick up.
I: As referenced in your new album Blue R.O.F.L, is it true that Michael Eavis has a micro penis?
K: My friend who had a piss next to him and saw it says yes, that’s definitely true. The song is completely unrelated to the fact that no one ever returned my emails, calls or texts about playing Glastonbury.
“I failed at everything I ever did before this so there’s every chance I will fail at whatever I try next, run out of money after 18 months and have to do a soulless comeback tour.”
I: First Carol Vorderman left Countdown and now Deal or No Deal has been cancelled, how’s this made you feel?
K: Over the years it has become clear there is a bit of curse on anyone featured in my songs and videos, as like you say, Carol and Noel got binned off, Dave Lee Travis, Justin Lee Collins and Doctor Fox were embroiled in alleged scandals that saw their careers nosedive and of course Jimmy Savile’s memory was somewhat tarnished by all the terrible stuff that came out after his death. People have lately started calling me ‘Noncetradamus’.
I: Finally, will there ever be a comeback tour? (‘The Kuntback Tour’?)
K: I failed at everything I ever did before this so there’s every chance I will fail at whatever I try next, run out of money after 18 months and have to do a soulless comeback tour. I’m currently undecided between ‘Kunt: The Cum-Back’ or ‘Kunt: The Res-Erection’. At least before that inevitably happens everyone can say they saw me in the integrity years.
As told to James Thomas
Kunt and the Gang’s last ever tour visits Nottingham Rescue Rooms on Friday 28th October. Get tickets here.