Life hacks: Portland Hill

Now that the redeveloping of Portland Hill is done, Glen Coco takes a look at what you might get from it

The landscaping on Portland Hill is now finally finished, and since it looks like a considerable chunk of your tuition fees have gone into the redevelopment, we here at Impact Features thought we’d share some top tips for getting the most out of the Portland Hill water feature.

Now, the first and most obvious use for the water is, of course, hydration. The fountain is in a convenient spot for refilling your water bottle on the way to lectures, to keep that brain function high. No water bottle? No worries! Just sip the water straight out of your hands – in a few weeks, everyone will be doing it.

“No shitting in the fountains, or there’s a €50 fine”

Another convenience of the pool is its expediency for public bathing. Notice how there are several fountains spaced along the steps, which work sort of as a reverse shower or bidet, for bathing in small private groups. So, if you forget to pay your bills and your landlord’s cut you off – the uni’s got you covered. Sud up, and get to class. But no shitting in the fountains or there’s a €50 fine.

And the last suggestion for using the fountain relates to a new initiative for community building – the ‘Stairs Challenge 2k18’. The newly proposed stairs challenge involves turning the pond into a giant fishbowl – participants have 1 minute to chug a delicious cocktail from the community water feature, and race to descend the massive stairs. There will be several rounds of drinking and running, and the last one standing wins. It is as yet unclear if medical personnel will be present, and the event is currently awaiting clearance from the SU who we assume will have no problems with it at all. After all, it’s all in aid of charity!

Glen Coco

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Image courtesy of Jack Taylor

One Comment
  • Regina
    14 February 2018 at 12:50
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    When did Impact become the tab then? FYI stagnant water is non-moving…

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