“You’ll be fine”. “It’s only first year”. “You can’t change anything now”. Who are you people, offering this useless type of advice, or, are you the one listening to it? Something you soon realise at university is that there are two types of people in the world: the worry-ers, and the I-don’t-give-a-shit-ers. And with Results Day looming on the 15th February, these two personalities became abundantly obvious.
I, (as annoying as it is) am a classic worry-er. Hence why I make the effort to surround myself with a mix of worry-ers and I-don’t-give-a-shit-ers to balance my social equilibrium. After exams have finished, you take a breath and start to feel normal again. However when ‘Result’s Day’ and ‘Exam Scripts’ are thrown at you via email – the panic kicks in again (for the worry-ers).
“The damning voice in my head is loudly saying “you’ve failed!””
At the back of my memory, I try to recall how well those exams went – and strong, strong regrets come flooding back from choosing Netflix over revision, and dancing on tables at Bierkeller over early nights in bed. But I am very helpfully assured that I should… ‘Try not to worry too much’. Unfortunately, there is an element of truth to this – worrying it not going to change grades at this point, my fate was decided by poor decision-making a month ago. Even though the damning voice in my head is loudly saying ‘you’ve failed!’, there is a very small glimmer of hope whispering ‘Keep it on the DL, but you’ve smashed your exams’. But, in all seriousness – which is more realistic?
To all the worry-ers, who can relate to my situation (even in the slightest), I will attempt to offer some fellow advice for Results Day nerves.
To all the I-don’t-give-a-shit-ers: I won’t bother offering you any advice – I feel confident you are too preoccupied counselling a worry-er.
Step 1) Stop torturing yourself with regrets – night outs, Netflix, procrastination, cuddling your dog too often… etc. IT WAS WORTH IT AT THE TIME.
Step 2) Take a shower, play some Beyoncé, and wash all your worries down the drain.
Step 3) Eat fruit and do some exercise (positive effect: you are getting your life back on track).
Step 4) Start Yoga – Zen is good for the soul (apparently).
Step 5) Actually register advice from the I-don’t-give-a-shit-ers (it helps short-term).
Step 6) First hand advice from an I-don’t-give-a-shit-er: “The worst-case scenario is you will have to retake your exams, and in the grand scheme of life, that isn’t such an awful prospect”. See? Anxiety cured.
Step 7) Have a cry to your university tutor – shout out to Dr Nicola Royan who offers cookies.
Step 8) Buy a succulent (purely for aesthetic pleasure).
Step 9) Donate money to charity (if you can’t help yourself, help someone else…that is, if your bank account isn’t in need of its own help).
Step 10) If none of the above help…GET DRUNK.