An Ode To Stan Lee: ‘If I were a Superhero…’

“If I were a superhero, I would swoop down and save the many suffering students who fall victim to the terrors of that ‘post-night-out feeling’. Too often, hopeful students go to pre-drinks, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, eagerly anticipating nothing more than an opportunity to let their hair down and relax after a stressful week of studying. Nine times out of ten however, they are met in the morning by the ultimate nemesis: The Hangover.

“Do we not deserve to socialise and enjoy our youth without feeling inconveniently tired?”

The Hangover can be ruthless, destroying one’s ability to attend that 9 am lecture…throwing needless roadblocks in the way of ‘good-morning’ happiness and academic victory. But no more. Don’t we, as hard-working individuals, deserve the opportunity to go out without the threat of this imminent burden hanging over us? Do we not deserve to socialise and enjoy our youth without feeling inconveniently tired, and guilty at the prospect of ‘having a good time’? I think so. I would provide these students with the antidote to that nasty party side-effect. I truly believe that without The Hangover, we can achieve greatness.

“I introduce to you The Anti-Hangover”

Perhaps it is true that not all superheroes wear capes. Maybe we won’t need someone who can fire laser-beams out of their eyes, fly, or lift buildings above their head. Perhaps all we need are superpowers which immediately induce a feeling of ‘next-morning-serenity’ without the hassle of rustling up a grease-laden breakfast, fishing out those out-of-style sunglasses, and downing a litre of water before bed. Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you The Anti-Hangover; The Hangover’s worst nightmare…”

Isla Weir

“You always know who’s running late to a lecture on campus. Their wide-eyed, frantic stare is reminiscent of a startled rabbit, and they walk as though they’ve just downed six expressos. The fear of doing the walk of shame into the theatre is all too real. However, if  I were a superhero, no-one would need to suffer this humiliation ever again. With my powers of teleportation, I’d be able to transport them to right outside their lecture theatre. Whether they’ve made it out but just missed their bus or are lying in bed feeling guilty for ignoring their alarm, nothing would stop them from getting to that lecture on time. Instead of being the last to stumble in, they’d arrive *gasp* early!

“No need for an uber”

Such benefits wouldn’t just be limited to daylight hours, however. On a night out feeling as though you’d rather be tucked up in bed? Dragged out by a friend and their significant other and feeling like a bit of a third wheel? In a situation where a guy/girl you’ve just met won’t leave you alone? Simply wink into any bathroom mirror in any bar, club or venue across the city and I’d be there in a heartbeat to save you from a night of boredom and irritation. No need for an uber – you’ll be home before your friends have even set foot in McDonalds!”

Faye Price

Obviously, if I was an omnipotent being, the super power of bringing world peace and happiness to all would be number one. A part of that which would be my speciality and the purpose of my character would be the ability to feel when someone is severely struggling with their mental health. Imagine being able to walk down the street and have a sensor to know when someone is needing to talk. Sometimes the hardest thing for people is opening up about problems and thoughts they are having, and feeling as though a) no one wants to know and b) no one would care anyway.

“We could all share the power of kindness”

To have the ability to know when someone needs a chat, a cry, an encouraging word or just reassurance that everything is going to be okay in the end would be a real super power. Truly, it could be a power we all have. Check up on your family and friends, ask if they’re doing okay and mean it. Be a voice they can talk to, and then we could all share the power of kindness.”

Emily Hall

“If I were a superhero, my power would be the ability to turn student accommodation into habitable dwellings for a reasonable price. I would fly around Nottingham like a real-estate Batman, zapping mold away from ceilings, fixing wonky wardrobes, and gifting each home with a functioning vacuum. My name would be Doctor Rent and UoN students would build statues in my name.

“I’d be the superhero we all so desperately need”

Non-existent landlord? I’ll track ‘em down and shake them until your deposit falls from their pockets. Radiator making a weird whistling sound? I’ll use mind control and bring a plumber a-running. Mattress growing some strange kind of fungi? I’ll shout ‘alakazam!’ and you’ll have a brand new, luxurious double within a second, the sheets already put on for you.

Forget Glide! At all hours I would be available, helping you work out the best deal on gas, electricity, and water. I’d teach you how to budget so that your student loan lasts. I’d respond promptly and politely when you complain about the fridge breaking. Just call out into the night and I’d be there!

As your friendly neighbourhood rent-girl… oh, wait, no, that’s not what I meant… as your friendly neighbourhood real-estate extraordinaire, I’d be there to help you out, making sure that when you arrive, the place is cleaned top to bottom by people who understand the meaning of clean. If you were lucky enough to have a garden, I’d be there mow that lawn. I’d be the superhero we all so desperately need.”

Esme Johnson

Isla Weir, Faye Price, Emily Hall and Esme Johnson 

Featured image courtesy of Gage Skidmore via Flickr. No changes were made to this image. Image license found here.

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