Plane Etiquette: A Tale of Woe

Travelling by plane for most people is an enjoyable experience as they soar high through clouds, and to others, it’s a terrifying experience where death feels imminent. No matter who you are on the plane though, your experience can be easily ruined by other passengers who apparently missed the etiquette lessons the rest of society seems to know.

We’ve all been there, you know when you sit down, comfortable as you can make yourself on those faux leather plastic seats with your legs basically in your chest, your journey begins. You’re sat in the window seat, of course, so you can see the beautiful views as you fly. Relax, the holiday starts here.

“I’ve managed to score of plethora of drunk people sat in my vicinity”

Enter drunk passenger who is seated next to you. One thing I’ve never understood is how people fly drunk, for me I couldn’t think of anything worse and would probably end up vomiting all over the place. Somehow, in my time, I’ve managed to score of plethora of drunk people sat in my vicinity and it’s the worst.

You tell yourself it’ll be fine, maybe this one isn’t rowdy. Of course, you’re wrong. As soon as the plane takes off, the singing begins. It starts with football chants, you know the ones, and soon they continue to sing and your ears despite the pain from the change in pressure, want to bleed. The problem is, of course, that drunk people can’t be told what to do, there’s no politely asking them if they could keep the noise down, oh no. Instead you have to endure three hours of the out of tune hits from the eighties. The worst.

“You were a kid once too, right?”

And it’s not just the drunk passenger causing you grief, oh no, the fun doesn’t end there. There’s already minimal comfort on planes and to make yours even worse, the kid behind you has his feet up on the seat and is constantly pushing you, jolting you forward as you drink the overpriced beverage you bought to cope with the drunk man, causing it to spill down you. You turn around to send ‘the look’ backwards, the one where you make yourself look mean as possible, only to find the mother is finding it funny. Breathe, it’s only a kid, you were a kid once too, right?

Oh, and when you thought it couldn’t get worse, the person on the aisle seat next to the drunk man is that person who seems to get far too comfortable on a plane. The stench of nail varnish flooding your nostrils, surely, they could wait to paint their nails until after? How did they even get that on here? Must have been a deal in duty free. To make matters worse, to drown out the drunk man they’ve put their headphones in, except the thudding bass can be heard from your seat. Unbelievable.

“Perhaps if you have a quiet word with the cabin crew”

You decide you’ve had enough, perhaps if you have a quiet word with the cabin crew they could potentially move you, without fuss, you don’t want to cause a scene. As you go to the toilet, you ask to move seats and they inform you there’s a few free near the back. A cocky smile adheres your face, victory. You slyly gather your stuff and move, confirming to the passengers next to you that there’s a free seat at the back near your friend, you don’t want to appear rude, of course.

A new seat, this time in the aisle, perfect. The smile falls however when the person in the seat adjacent to yours, on the other side of the aisle, has decided to stretch out his legs into the middle, usually reasonable. Except they’ve no shoes or socks on and their feet are flaunting out their stench to the world. Then you feel a soft thud on your shoulder of the person next to you, their head has fallen on to you as they let out a snore. At least its quieter back here.

Flying, is fun they said, you’ll have a great time they said. Next time you’ll take the Eurostar.

Miriam Thompson

Featured image by Joao Carlos Medau courtesy of Flickr.

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