Things You Can’t Get Away with Post-Graduation

As much as people like to complain about student life, it does afford you a relaxed sense of morals, responsibilities and shame. Here are some of the things you won’t be able to get away with once you’re an official adult:

Stay out clubbing all night on a weekday

When you’re working a 9-5, there’s no way you’re going to be able to stay out downing jaeger bombs until 4 in the morning and still be productive and professional. If by some miracle you make it to work, your boss is not going to appreciate your shaky hands, inability to string a proper sentence together or sprint to the bathroom during a meeting. This is one to leave at university.

Drink so much you’re still drunk the next morning/well into the next day

“There is no way your ageing, out-of-drinking-practice body is going to handle that hangover”

Any third year can probably confirm the age-old rumour that hangovers get worse as you age, and we’re only just entering our 20s! Aside from the fact you’ll probably have too many other important responsibilities to juggle to be tripping over your own feet and laughing at completely un-funny statements in the middle of the day, there is no way your ageing, out-of-drinking-practice body is going to handle that hangover.

Get forcibly ejected from a club

We’ve all been on the wrong end of a bouncer once or twice, whether it’s for falling over, puking on the dancefloor, or yeeting an empty VK bottle, but this behaviour will have to be dropped after graduation. As a student, it’s borderline expected for you to do the kind of stupid thing on a night out that could get you thrown out, but as a proper adult it’s just a bit embarrassing.

Justify waking up closer to dinner than breakfast

“All too often students find themselves in terrible sleeping patterns”

Whether you’ve got a day off at uni, stayed up until the birds started chirping doing Buzzfeed quizzes to find out what kind of bread you are or just can’t be bothered to go to that particularly pointless 9am, all too often students find themselves in terrible sleeping patterns. It’s a special kind of shame when you blearily squint at your phone clock at realise it’s 4pm and the day is basically over before you’ve even sat up. If your newfound adult guilt doesn’t have you up in time for breakfast, the restrictions of employment soon will.

Not check your bank account for weeks at a time for fear of seeing your balance

Out of all the sins on this list, this is the one I am most guilty of, and is definitely the most dangerous. Countless times I have had such a nasty shock I was convinced my account had been hacked, but alas once the cushions of student finance loans and no-interest overdrafts have faded away, we will all be forced to face the cold, hard reality of our bank balance on a far more regular basis in order to not starve to death or fail to pay the rent.

“There are just some things that are too shameful once you are no longer surrounded by other students in similar predicaments.”

Eat dinner from a saucepan to minimise the washing-up
The ultimate student life-hack is sadly not considered acceptable behaviour back at home or living with a partner, and is sure to incur a lecture from anyone who catches you doing this. A plate or bowl will go a long way in making you at least appear like a functioning adult.

Wear your one-night-stand’s clothes home the next day
There are just some things that are too shameful once you are no longer surrounded by other students in similar predicaments. Trust me, that old woman on the bus is going to judge you a lot more harshly than the other girl you ran into sneaking out of someone’s house, also sporting smudged eyeliner and an ill-fitting jumper over a clubbing outfit.

Post your lost belongings on the Buy/Sell page

Perhaps the saddest loss of all, once we have been thrust into the real world, any IDs, phones and keys we have drunkenly misplaced on nights out will stay gone. You will have to start scrolling through dodgy second-hand shops and phoning police stations to enquire about your missing items, hoping they will be turned in. You will be disappointed. We should perhaps all invest in a fanny pack.

“Once we join the work-force we simply will have to get it together”

I wish all my fellow final years luck in wishing our student lifestyle goodbye as we venture into the real world, hopefully we will be able to leave everything on this list in our safe, secret, student past (except for eating out of the saucepan… your secret is safe with me). In solidarity, we are shameless; once we join the work-force we simply will have to get it together, and learn to live as a proper, responsible adult. You know, the kind of adult you would trust to drive your kid to school, or put down as a reference for a landlord/employer. Not the kind of adult that the family gossips about all year and schemes to prevent them from coming to Christmas.

Pandora Ogg

Featured image courtesy of VIA Agency via Flickr. Image license found here.

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