Finally, after a full year of waiting, the 89th Academy Awards are just around the corner. It will be a busy night for all, what with critics poised over their predictions and starlets spending hours upon hours preparing for their “role as human woman” (I tip my hat to you if you get that reference). And, of course, the rest of the world will be awaiting the results with baited breath. But after 88 years of the industry handing out these coveted little gold men, it’s not that hard to predict the kinds of things that might happen on Hollywood’s biggest night…
Jimmy Kimmel v. Matt Damon
With Jimmy Kimmel set to become a member of the elite club of Oscar hosts (which also includes the likes of Bob Hope and Billy Crystal), you can bet your bottom dollar that Kimmel will talk about his “enemy”, Matt Damon – who will be attending as one of the producers of the Best Picture-nominated Manchester by the Sea.
Exactly how they’ll reference their 11-year long “feud” is unknown; maybe they’ll take a leaf out of Jimmy Fallon’s book, and recreate the Griffith Observatory dance scene from La La Land. Needless to say, the in-joke will be funny for all of two seconds before getting super boring super fast.
The Inevitable Twitter Account
The Oscars could be considered as a whole industry in itself, with perhaps the most lucrative part of the evening being the red carpet. However, in this age of social media where no mistake can go uncommented on, there will inevitably be a poor celebrity who dares to where an outfit that accentuates a specific part of their body – maybe a shoulder, or even a knee – that will undoubtedly have its own Twitter account by the end of the evening. Don’t believe me? Just ask Angelina Jolie’s right leg and its nine Twitter accounts.
Justin Timberlake Cannot be Stopped
When “Can’t Stop the Feeling” came out in May of 2016 (gosh, has it really only been 9 months?), it was certainly a… catchy tune. The actual film it was written for (DreamWorks’ Trolls) didn’t come until a full 3 months later, which meant that for 12 whole weeks, good ol’ JT was constantly on the radio for a film no one really cared about. And now, with an audience of around 35 million, he will perform his song with no idea that the majority of the audience would rather just have Meryl Streep as Florence Foster Jenkins warbling away for that time.
Buzzfeed will be on the Prowl
Don’t get me wrong, I love Buzzfeed – it’s the best way to get through any boring lecture. Want to find out what kind of doughnut you are, based on your zodiac sign? Or whether your dream job can be determined by your take-out choices? Buzzfeed is great for all of those things and more – but somehow, they have this uncanny ability of adapting the most mundane thing into a fully-fledged article (I say rather hypocritically, as I make the Oscars into a 700-word bingo card).
Therefore, if – for instance – John Legend (who will be there as a member of the La La Land cast) were to so much as blink at Chrissy Teigen, there will most definitely be a Buzzfeed article the next day entitled “17 times John and Chrissy were couple goals”. To be honest, we wouldn’t have it any other way.
Viola Davis will give the Best Speech of the Night
I have a theory that, unless she ugly-cries over everything when in character, it’s not a true Viola Davis performance. Whether it’s her incredible work in How to Get Away With Murder and The Help, or even an unforgettable eight minutes in Doubt, Davis is truly one of the most talented and well-respected actresses in the industry. After missing out twice before, this will hopefully be the year the Best Supporting Actress envelope has her name on it – and, if the acceptance speeches she’s given so far this awards season are anything to go by, tissues will definitely be handy.
To prepare, I highly recommend watching Davis’ acceptance speech at the Emmys in 2015 for HTGAWM, if you haven’t seen it already (and if you have, it deserves repeated viewing). It’s poignant, accurate and just plain beautiful in equal measure, and acts as an unassailable reminder of what an Oscar can represent.
Sarah Quraishi
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