First the Worst: Terrifying First Dates

Out of interest, a mild obsession with Channel 4’s First Dates and a bit of nosiness, I collated some truly awful first date anecdotes, some from our very own Impact editors. All these stories are anonymous, to protect the innocent (or the guilty).

Happy Halloween
“I went on a first date with a guy in Das Kino, and half way through the date the manager of the bar( a friend of mine) comes up and tells me very loudly that my top in inside out… it was. Not a great start. Then later on in the date I notice he has a pumpkin tattooed on his arm, so I flippantly say “ah I fucking hate Halloween” and he responds with ” my birthday is on Halloween actually” and pulls his sleeves up to reveal 2 full Halloween themed arm tattoo sleeves. It. Was. Very. Awkward. I then proceeded to list all the things I loved about Halloween, in an attempt to lighten the situation; it did not work.”

Central Peak
“I met up with a guy I had hooked up with after a night out for coffee in the park once. Was going well, he seemed cute. He mentioned his ex a couple times, I asked how things ended. He broke down into tears telling me how much he missed her and wanted her back. I put my arm around him and gave him solid relationship advice, telling him to fight for her. Then patted him on the head and sent him on his way.”

“I was on a date with a girl once, we were at a Starbucks, going to see a gig after. I ordered my coffee, saying “Mort” as my name. When they called out my order at the end of the bar the barista misread it and was like “Chai latte for… Moist? Moist? So I had to be like, ah fuck, that’s mine. “Yeah, I’m Moist”

Bros before Hoes
“My friend went on a date with a guy who half way through saw his friend at the bar, went to say hi, proceeded to get a drink with him for half an hour, forgot about the date and went home…only realised half way back he’d left her in the restaurant. They didn’t see each other again.”

Whats a little incest between family?

“I had a mate who travelled all the way to Leicester to see this girl that he really fancied. They ended up getting off. It was only later when talking about their families that they worked out they shared an uncle…”

Elle Magill

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