My girl WhatsApp group chat continually buzzes with general random topics like food, fashion and most importantly, boys. Screenshots of conversations ping back and forth and advice is absolutely needed. ‘What do I do?’, ‘I like him but he did this and he treated me like that’ and the worst: ‘he’s treated me like shit, finally apologised for being an idiot and says he’s changed’.
Firstly, I could use other words to describe these types of men (*$*$!!,) but I’m better than that (maybe not so much after a few glasses of rosé, but that’s another story). And secondly, these so-called ‘apologies’ are thrown out months later, when the imbeciles can’t work their ‘charms’ on anyone else and come running back to the genuine girl who wants to believe their lies. As a result, their narcissistic ego is not only restored, but fuelled to the detriment of a kind soul.
My friends may laugh at the collection of quotes saved on my phone, but quotes like the above put any type of relationship in perspective – whether it’s romantic or otherwise. And do you know why? Because life is black and white.
“all Mums have said this line to their kids growing up, but here it is: treat others the way you would like to be treated”
If someone really cared about you, would they even think about treating you badly? Absolutely not. I think all Mums have said this line to their kids growing up, but here it is: treat others the way you would like to be treated. It’s really that simple; however unfortunately, to be frank, a lot of people out there really couldn’t give a damn.
Girls, does this scenario sound at all familiar? You lay awake at night, knowing full well that you’ve been played, but still try to believe that you’ve made some kind of mistake? That somehow things were your fault; that things weren’t that bad; that you did something wrong? You concoct this evidence against yourself, proving that you’re wrong and somehow, you’ve just ‘misinterpreted’ your player.
“a guy can say all these charming things, but if he doesn’t prove it in his actions, he’s not genuine about you”
You’re all probably thinking of a certain situation in mind and I want to say this – you CANNOT excuse bad behaviour. It cannot be hidden. It simply is black and white. Did you make this guy act in a certain way? Did you ask him to mistreat you? NO. You don’t need to tell someone how you want to be treated – they should just do it automatically. Actions do speak louder than words; a guy can say all these charming things, but if he doesn’t prove it in his actions, he’s not genuine about you. So, I ask you to please never doubt yourself. You wouldn’t ever doubt someone if they were right for you.
I’ve asked so many couples in my family this question: how did you know X was the one? And in few words, the answer was: you just KNOW. You really do know when a person is right for you – there’s no struggle, it should feel easy; you should just slot into each other’s lives. Of course, there are hardships along the way, as that’s part of life and nobody is perfect. People make mistakes and learn from these mistakes. But it’s about learning how to face obstacles together and working as a team. Essentially, it’s all about being on the same wave length as your other half.
The relationship is never going to work if you have conflicting values and morals. And the worst thing of this all? The more time and chances you give this person, Mr Right becomes further out of your reach. My Mum has always given me this advice and it’s to follow your woman’s instinct – your gut feeling. You know the answer deep down. And you also know the red flags that you should never ignore or excuse; texting when it suits, late night ‘come over’ messages etc. Always ask people who love and care about you for guidance, as although sometimes it’s tough to hear, they’ll tell you the truth.
So, to the girl reading this – you deserve better. Don’t just settle for someone who is showing you some attention or wants you when it suits. Because when a person really cares, they will take the time to get to know YOU. They will take you on dates and act like a gentleman. They will take no for an answer and wouldn’t ever dream of hurting you. Because if they truly cared, they would never want to lose you.
Chloe
Featured image courtesy of Michael Coghlan via Flickr. Image license found here.
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Well said.