Dear Agony Aunt: I’ve got a cold…

Dear Auntie Carol…

How do you deal with a bad cold?

Dear reader…

“The Carol Cold is so much MORE than the common cold – just like Auntie Carol is so much more than the common person”

What you first need to understand is that colds occur on a scale: they range from the common cold to the Carol Cold. The Carol Cold is so much MORE than the common cold – just like Auntie Carol is so much more than the common person.

You might only need one of my tips; you might need all of them! What matters is that ALL of my tips are golden.

If you’re here, then you’ve already accepted your fate: you are SICK! Now, do NOT go on NHS dot com and self-diagnose yourself with Typhoid. Finish your own degree before you starting playing Doctor!

Just stay here and follow Auntie Carol’s Cold Survival Guide:

  1. Huff the good stuff! Swap that bottle of poppers for Olbas Oil #ad. Like Ariana Grande tells us: “Just keep breathin’ and breathin’ and breathin’ and breathin’”.
  2. Spice up your life! Shove a chili up your nose and clear those sinuses (alternatively, spicy soup does the same job if you can sacrifice the toilet time).
  3. What’s the tee? Lemon and ginger tea, that’s the tee! Trust me girls and gays: this is the best thing you can find to put down your throat in Lenton.
  4. Don’t forget lube! Vaseline #ad your nose after blowing – you don’t want to end up with a chapped snout, looking like Penelope!
  5. Sleep IS for the weak! None of this Disney princess buffoonery. You don’t need a prince! Rest in bed until your HEALTH comes to wake you up.

The following tip is ONLY for extreme cases (Carol Cold).

  1. Shut Up And Thrive! You know me, I do NOT believe in self-censorship! But, I DO believe in self-care. If you feel like you’re going to lose your voice, get a whiteboard, use your Notes app, ring your bell. We need ALL the voices we can get right now!

Yes, your body is a temple. But, right now, it is the Taj Mahal! Worship yourself!

Alexa, play ‘Stayin’ Alive’.

Keep me in a job – ask me a question here!

Auntie Carol

Featured image courtesy of Stacey MacNaught via Flickr. No changes were made to this image. Image license found here.

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