The Impact Features Agony Aunt is back with more pearls of wisdom for your problems!
“Dear Agony Aunt,
I met this guy recently in a club; he seemed nice and we kissed. I gave him my number and we met up the next day – I basically met up with him to say that I wasn’t looking for a relationship and I wanted us to be friends. It wasn’t that I didn’t like him, but I’m not ready for a relationship (bad past experience).
He was fine with it and we left it at that. We met up nearly every day that week – the problem was, we weren’t acting as friends. The day after the “friend talk” we were having a good conversation – at the end, he asked for a quick kiss and I was silly to kiss him. I told him that wasn’t going to happen again; but days later, things got really hot and heavy. He said that we clearly weren’t friends and he was just waiting for me to realise it. I realised it and that’s why I cut contact with him.
I saw him for the first time in two weeks the other day and that night he texted me. We have spoken and he feels that I’m putting the blame on him for what happened between us. I do like him, but am really confused. I don’t want anything serious and neither does he, but I’m not the type of girl to mess around with someone for the sake of it. I enjoy his company and he makes me laugh… but at the same time, I felt he was pushing the boundary when he went to kiss me. Is he playing with my head? Do you think we can actually be friends?
Love, confused.com”
Dear Confused.com,
Relationships can be very difficult indeed and it does sound like this guy could be a good candidate, what with all the chemistry flying about. BUT, and this is a big one, you cannot feel as though you are being pushed into something that you’re not ready for. Yes, you may have done something you now possibly regret, but I don’t think that means you were leading him on. I think you were following your heart and ignoring your head for a moment.
It doesn’t really sound as though he thinks of the two of you as merely “friends” and maybe deep down you don’t either, but him blaming you is unfair. After all, it takes two to tango.
My advice is to let the dust settle and see where you stand. If he’s really worth it then he’ll make the effort to abide your wishes and attempt to be friends. If not then you know it was a good thing you didn’t get any further involved and maybe keep some distance.
The bottom line is that you sound like someone with a good head on their shoulders. See how he acts in the days to come, if he starts being ridiculous and makes any non-platonic moves on you then he clearly doesn’t respect your wishes.
Remember there are plenty more fish and the sea and you can cast your rod at any time – so what’s the rush?
Love, The Impact Features Agony Aunt xxx
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